Mental Fatigue

A few weeks ago, Jared and I had a tough heart to heart.  One of his concerns was that I don't talk to him.  I was side swiped.  I honestly was thinking, "I talk to you on the daily! You share all about your day and I am a great listener!" Those are true statements, but Jared's was also true.  I don't do much talking about MY thoughts, MY feelings, MY opinions, MY challenges, MY wins.  I don't ENGAGE in conversation.  Listening to him and coordinating the family schedule isn't enough for him and the truth is it isn't enough for me either, but I have been suffering from mental fatigue so it is about all I could manage. 

Even as I attempted to reflect on how to address his concerns, I got stuck in the black hole that is my mind.  I would spend a few seconds thinking on one thing and then zap to another thing and to another and to another.  My brain is worn out, y'all! 

Photo Source: Stress Relief Wizard

This kind of scared me! I am a woman of action!  While that is important, being still and taking time to center oneself is equally, if not more important.  

Jared gets hours each week ALONE.  Driving to and from work, lunch hours, etc provide ample time to think and reflect and organize his mind.  On the other hand, I get minutes a week to do those things.  I am almost NEVER alone and being a mom is NOISY.  From the demands of the children, to the media devices, to meeting the needs of others finding time to think had totally fallen off my list.

Today, I got 15 minutes alone on the way to a church meeting.  I revelled in the silence.  It was glorious!  And it allowed me to think of ways I could intentionally put silence BACK into my regular routine. Here is what I know works and what I plan to go back to!

1. Wake up earlier than your family.  You're going to tell me that this is HARD! And it is at first.  Then, you realize the beautiful opportunity it is and fall in love with those extra quiet minutes you give yourself.  And don't wake up and get on your phone or other mobile device! Wake up and read something wonderful--I recommend scriptures or classic literature.  Something timeless.  Spend time meditating and/or praying.  Reconnect with yourself as you begin each day and it will change everything.

2. Steal moments throughout the day.  If you see your children are happily entertaining themselves, quietly excuse yourself to your closet or your bathroom or your backyard.  Take some deep breaths, meditate, pray, visualize your dreams.  It probably sounds hokey, but reminding yourself of your righteous desires will help you make choices during the day that will actually help you make those things happen.  

3. Ask your spouse, partner, friends for help.  Depending on how often you need time alone ask for support.  Whether that is a spouse who bathes the children so you can go on a quiet walk around the block or a friend that watches your children so you can attend the temple or another spiritually uplifting activity.  Plan those things into your day or your week or your month so that they happen.  Intentional living really is key here! 

Photo Source: HRM Online

4. Schedule down time daily.  I do so much better when I actually PLAN to have down time.  Otherwise I will run until I am past empty and ultimately snap at my children or feel completely overwhelmed.  I have learned that a minimum of 30 minutes down time as part of my daily life is essential to my sanity.  I have stopped feeling guilty about it because I makes every other part of my day run more smoothly when I have it.  

5.  Give yourself a break! Being a mom is hard! Everyone in our lives relies on us and makes demands on our time.  If we fail to look out for ourselves, we can create mental fatigue that permeates our lives and keeps us from loving the lives we are creating.  Always remember, you ARE enough.  You ARE doing better than you even think you are.  And you don't have to do it alone.  Motherhood should not feel like martyrdom.   

I, for one, am tired of feeling mentally exhausted.  I am tired of feeling like a victim in my own life. I need a reset and plan to start tomorrow by waking up early and beginning my day reconnecting with myself and my God.  One day at a time, one intentional choice that honors me at a time, one breath at a time and I know I will be back on track to living the life of Essentialism I crave. 

These are steps that I know have helped me.  They are not backed by science! For further information on mental fatigue, here are some articles I found online.

Signs you have mental fatigue: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/7-signs-mental-fatigue/

Ways to beat mental fatigue: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/leslie-davenport/chronic-fatigue_b_1013186.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/imperfect-spirituality/201507/4-things-do-when-your-brain-is-tired

I also found the book Essentialism by Greg McKewon to be key in helping me identify where and how to make changes in my life that combat mental fatigue.  

https://gregmckeown.com/book/

I'm Baaaaaaaaacccccccccckkkkkkkkk!

Soooo, I am back to blogging!
I took a very very very long time off and I have missed chronicling our lives and sharing content that is uplifting and fun!
It would take way to long to update you on the last 15 months of our lives, so I will share the top 5 things from that time and we'll consider you all caught up.  Deal? DEAL!

1.  In August, (so just a year ago) I discovered that the major respiratory problems I had been dealing with for the better part of a year were because of an allergic reaction to my chickens.  Well, not my chickens.  Their POOP! The fatigue, chronic cough, pneumonia, all of it was because of POOP.  It was devastating to learn that in order to get better, the chickens had to go.  After fighting my HOA for months and falling in love with backyard chicken farming, this was a heartbreaking experience.  But, being able to breathe again and climb my stairs without losing my breath has been wonderful.  I miss my chickens every time I chop veggies and have to remind myself I don't need to save the scraps.  They are forever part of my heart.

2. PTO mom! My sweet friend, Rhea, recruited me to be part of the PTO powerhouse at our local elementary school.  Of course, I said yes because it sounded like FUN.  And it was fun being with my friends and doing awesome and exciting things for the students and the school.  What was NOT fun was the moms who decided they didn't like us and who said really mean things about us on social media.  That was NOT FUN.  It actually hurt a lot and knocked the wind out of my sails for awhile.  But being able to raise more money than ever before, finishing two huge projects at the school, bringing a BMX show in for students, putting on half a dozen awesome, family-friendly events with record numbers was definitely worth it.  But, I decided not to do it again.  It is my last year with a child home full-time and I wanted to have the flexibility to do whatever WE wanted when WE wanted!

3. Church service! For those of you who don't know, I am a member of the LDS Church.  We do not have a paid ministry, so all of the operation of the church is done by its members. Last August, I was asked to serve as the Primary President.  This means I have had stewardship over the children's program at church for a year now.  I am responsible for nearly 50 children, their teachers and other leaders in the Primary (about 30 adults).  Guys that is quite the MENTAL LOAD! It has been one of the most fun things I have been able to do for my Savior.  I love being with the children, but it is quite a process and responsibility.

ALSO, do you see a pattern?  All of these things happened/started in AUGUST of last year! Hahaha.  Let's just say last year was a whirlwind!

4. Energy Profiling! If you haven't heard of Carol Tuttle and her work, you need to look her up.  She is changing my life with her books, her social media content, and her knowledge that she is sooo willing to share. In a year of struggle, I have learned that I NO longer need to STRUGGLE.  That I have more power over my own experience than I previously thought.  I am learning to set boundaries and learning to bring my emotional wellness to where I want it to be.  To truly BE ME without apologizing for it! Seriously, look her up and let her guide you to some legit healing!

Okay, I got 4 and now I'm tired, so good night y'all! Please tell me what kind of content you'd like to see on my blog! I would love to hear from you!

Guest Blog

I was invited by my friend, Amy, over at the Running Mom Diaries, to write a blog post about my busy life and how I seem to "do it all." Honestly, I dislike that phrase. I don't do it all, I simply try my best just like everyone else! Here is what I wrote for her!

Amy asked me to write about how I manage my busy family life and still find time for myself. Honestly, I feel like I have only gotten a grip on my life in the last 10 months. Before that I had spent years scrambling. Scrambling and feeling guilty.

Part of the shift is definitely due to the fact that I am no longer in the growing stage of a family. This is the first year in the last 10, that I haven't been pregnant or nursing a baby. The desire to have a big family with children close in age calls for a great sacrifice of personal time, comfort, and sanity. Now that my babes are all here and the youngest is closing in on his second birthday, I finally felt like making myself a priority was necessary and doable.

With 5 children, a dear husband, a dog, chickens, and a bearded dragon, I am responsible for a LOT of people. (My animals are totally counting as people!) I am also very active in my church community and teach a Sunday school class weekly, among other things.  There are many aspects of my life that can be unpredictable. So my key to feeling successful is to control what I can and lower my expectations for everything else.

Honestly, becoming a Beachbody coach in April 2015 changed EVERYTHING! I really didn't think I had room for one more thing, but it was taking on this new thing that has taught me how to take care of myself in nourishing and lasting ways.

Here is a quick glimpse of my typical day.

4:45 AM               Wake Up and Pray/Meditate

5:00 AM               Out of bed, dress, read 15-30 minutes of scriptures and/or a personal growth book

5:30 AM               Exercise

6:00 AM               Make lunches

6:15 AM               Spend 30-45 minutes working my business

7:00 AM               Breakfast with family

8:00 AM               Kids to school

I have found that mornings are my MOST productive time of the day. Therefore, I spend the next 3 to 4 hours doing chores, running errands, cooking, helping others, meal prepping, paying bills, and running the household. I only occasionally do play dates. I like my sanity and over scheduling myself during my most productive time has negative consequences for me and the rest of my family. Especially if it happens too often.

12:00 PM             Work my business while baby naps and 3 year old watched television

1:00 PM                Lunch and I sit on the couch with 3 year old. We snuggle, read, watch television or                              take a quick power nap.

2:00 PM                Get baby up and give out snacks. Mama even gets to enjoy her favorite meal of the                              day that is jam-packed with Superfoods, antioxidants, minerals, vitamins,                                              probiotics,  prebiotics, etc. I am not joking when I say this literally gives me                                          superpowers.

3:20 PM (2:20 on Wednesdays)       Get big boys from school, homework, snacks, and tons of                                                           unpredictable shenaningans.

5:00 PM                Start dinner and allow television or outdoor time for my big kids

6:00 PM                Dinner, family time, clean up, baths, books, prayers, snuggles, and bed

7:30 PM                Lights out, unless it is special night (one child a night has a chance to stay up an                                   extra 30 minutes and spend one-on-one time with mom and/or dad)

8:00 PM                Time with spouse

9:30 PM                Get ready for bed, scriptures and prayer with spouse

10:00 PM              Lights out

This is a typical day for me; however, we do have speech therapy two days a week, music lessons two days a week, scouts, sports, etc just like everyone else. Unlike everyone else, we only do one sport a season and that is it. In the instances something above needs to fit into our day, we just shift things around and find a way. But if we add something, something has to give. Usually it is down time. If it is something that is a priority for my family that would have to give for a new activity, we just don't do the activity.

This rhythm has taken lots of tweaking and frustration to get in to. It works for us, but every time we add something new we have to start over. It is a constant effort to find harmony in our family. From time to time we have super-scheduled weeks, but if I can avoid it, I do.

It was through Beachbody that I began discovering what I needed to do to really thrive as a stay-at-home mom and find harmony in my life. It sounds hokey, but through the community support, emphasis on whole body wellness, and carving out time daily for myself and helping others I feel fueled in a way I haven't in years.  It all comes together to make me a better version of myself and a better mom and wife.

A Dancer's Heart

I've probably mentioned before that I was a part of a children and teen's performing group for most of my childhood. I'm not sure if I've ever conveyed just how integral this was in my life. By the time I was in high school, I was at the dance studio nearly every day of the week taking multiple classes, tap, jazz, ballet, company (an audition only group), and ensemble. I even taught the 3-5 year olds ballet, tap, and jazz to help pay for my own classes.

On top of classes, Showtime USA performed in and around the St. Augustine area at least a few times each month. It was a huge deal to me. My dearest friends experienced all of this with me. If we weren't in classes together, we were hanging out at one another's houses, hanging out with Miss Pam (our dance instructor), painting the dance studio, popping one another's pimples (So gross, yet so awesome!). Heck, I got my first kiss in the parking lot of the studio.

It is how I gained self-confidence. It is how I learned to persevere and set goals and to fail gracefully. It is also where I first heard about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Recently, I rediscovered my dancer's heart. A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to go to Showtime's end of the year show. I had a smile the entire time. It was amazing to see those kids having the time of their lives up on that stage. I was right back to those days. Some people hated high school. I'll go ahead and admit that although it wasn't always easy, it was a great time in my life. Showtime and my friends there were a huge part of that. Seriously, watching my children fall in love with the show and remembering all the positive in my life made me want to open a Showtime franchise here in Orlando!

Just last weekend, my mom treated my sister and I to the Move Live Tour put on by dancing siblings, Julianne and Derek Hough. My goodness, it was amazing. It was like Showtime on steroids! Again, the smile never left my face. I have a dancer's heart and I guess I always will. I need to integrate dance more fully in my life somehow. Maybe that's by opening a Showtime, maybe it's by taking up Zumba, maybe it's by dancing in my living room. As a child, there was a studio in town run by Sally Walton. They often performed at the same events we did. There was always a number or two put on by adults. I remember thinking they were so old and how weird that they were in costumes dancing at their age! Little did I know, they probably felt as I do now. Dance isn't something you outgrow! I've changed my tune. Those ladies rocked and good on them for continuing to do what they loved.

My heart is full of gratitude for Miss Pam and all she did to help me hone my dancing and singing talents. Doing the routine "Just one more time" (more like 20) and helping me improve my other talents; those that aren't as easy to see: integrity, honesty, and charity. My heart is also full of gratitude for my parents who surely sacrificed to pay for umpteen classes a week and costumes and tours and camps. My parents always supported me and found joy in watching me have the time of my life. They were truly selfless in that regard. I am grateful that 14 years later, my mom recognizes the need for dance in my life and continues to make special memories for me.

Mom and me at Move Live on Tour last weekend!

I love you, Mom!

Performing in a sequined black dress and having a ball!

Non-Negotiables

This is the time of year that life tends to really speed up. Between October and April, we participate in soccer and then basketball, celebrate 6 of our 7 birthdays (on top of umpteen family birthdays), engage in regular and extracurricular school activities, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, MLK Day, Valentine Day, and Easter.
It seriously feels like life is a marathon for the next six months. Just putting it all right there in one paragraph is starting to freak me out! Because on top of ALL of that, I have meals to cook, chores to do, errands to run, Sunday School to teach, animals to care for, doctors visits, dentist visits... Okay, I have to stop or I'm going to go to bed and never get up.
My point is, that I KNOW what busy is. It is not lost on me that life can be a heavy load to carry at times. Fortunately, if you are able to identify your NON-NEGOTIABLES all that "busy" becomes harmony. Instead of doing EVERYTHING, I make sure the non-negotiables are accomplished each day (or at least 80 % of them). Then all those other things that pop up go through the Good, Better, Best test. I choose only the BEST things as often as possible. And the REST has to wait or get outsourced or get deleted.

So, what are MY non-negotiables?

1. My Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and my faith in and worship of Them
Personal scripture study; Sunday worship; Fulfilling my teaching assignment on Sundays; Prayer; Family Home Evening; Family Prayer; Family Scripture Study; Temple attendance. All these activities are non-negotiables in my life.

2. My FAMILY
Handling all the day-to-day needs of my spouse and children; Building and maintaining quality relationships with my spouse, my children, my parents, and my siblings; Teaching my children; Supporting my spouse; Managing the household (accomplishing minimum of three daily chores on top of cooking responsibilities). All these activities are non-negotiables in my life.

3. Myself
Reading something uplifting in addition to scripture study; Getting in a workout; Showering, teeth brushing, and other personal care (although I must admit there are days I get to dinner and realize I haven't brushed my teeth); Professional development and working my business; Regular opportunities to hang out with my best gal pals; Building and maintaining quality friendships with positive, uplifting people; Getting 7-8 hours of sleep a day; The occasional trip to Target ALONE. All these activities are non-negotiables in my life.

Now, be honest with yourself. What are YOUR non-negotiables? Do they line up with the MOST important things in your life?
If so, keep it up! You are doing better than you think you are and you totally rocking life.
If not, rearrange those priorities to match your non-negotiables and just START. You can change, you can do it differently tomorrow. It's hard, yeah, but oh so worth it. And if you feel like you don't know where to start, we should talk. I BELIEVE IN YOU and I BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF CHANGE and THAT CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!

My Story

I feel like we are writing new chapters to our own individual stories every day. I never thought in a million years that I would become part of  a network marketing company. Honestly, it is one of those things I would normally turn up my nose at.
Something about Beachbody was different. It felt different. It made ME different.
My coach, Amy, challenged me to share my story in a video blog (VLOG). It was scary, but I did it.
Now, I share that with you. Thanks for letting me into your world. Make it a great day!

Click HERE to watch my VLOG.

Eating your Feelings

One of the things I have come to learn about myself over the last few months is that I am an emotional eater. I have also come to learn that I am not alone. And guess, what, neither are you!
So many times at the end of a long hard day of momming, I would "treat" myself to something sugary and delicious and totally bad for me. It would be great if I could eat just one cookie or one peppermint patty or one scoop of ice cream. Unfortunately, once I start, I cannot stop. I will eat 4 or 5 and then feel terrible physically and emotionally afterwards.

Becoming a coach and having others rely on my good example jump started my goal to create better habits, but I still found myself eating my feelings (now more in secret than ever) when I was having a less than stellar day.

I decided what I really needed was to take a long, hard look at myself. The truth is, what I really need in those lonely, frustrating, discouraging moments is to refuel my spirit. I have found that talking with my spouse, calling a friend, going for a jog or a walk, spending time in a good book, or simply going to bed early all help me to actually feel better long term versus for the duration of my sweet treat.

Go for a walk or jog! I am sure you in live in a beautiful place!

Spending time in a fun book when you have small children can be hard, but it sure fills my cup.

So, the next time you're wearing your cranky pants, go take a nice long bath, read a book, and slip in to bed a little early. I promise it will do you more good than that sugary baked good. It has worked wonders for me.

Broken Hearts

Today was a really hard day! I have had my heart broken before. Once it was in the tiniest pieces, I didn't know if it would every be repaired. Today, hurt almost as much as that. It hurt that badly because I felt the heartbreak of my son and couldn't do a single thing about it. I wanted to fix it so badly and couldn't. I tried, but it wasn't enough.
He took his bearded dragon, Alexandra, outside to play with his friend. The rule is she isn't to go outside. He was walking out the door and I asked him to put her away and he shook his head and went any way. Jared later stuck his head out the door and asked him to bring her in. Again, he refused.
Well, while they were outside, something spooked her and she got away and ran into the cover of the storm drain and went down the pipe! My boys were in tears and so was I. We tried several things to get her out and none were successful. We prayed and prayed and prayed and the answer has been no.
This is a natural consequence of a broken rule, but it is heartbreaking. Being a mom is hard sometimes. I chose to be easy on him this morning and didn't go all "mean" mom on him and make him keep her inside. If I had, he wouldn't have had to go through this. I have been kicking myself all day. He said tonight that he knew it was his fault and then proceeded to sob himself to sleep.
My whole heart aches and feels so heavy. Motherhood is not for sissies. This job is no joke.

YOU ARE ENOUGH

The post-baby blues hit me harder than ever before following the birth of my fifth baby.  I'd always been a little emotional following a baby's birth, but this time it has been really difficult. Moving to a new town probably exacerbated things. I feel like I am finally starting to come out of the fog, but there are days I still struggle with feelings of inadequacy and a general sense of overwhelmed-ness.
I feel so blessed that I have such wonderful family and friends that encourage me, support me, and listen to me. I am also grateful for being able to hear inspired words that lift me up and remind me that I am enough.
Two weeks ago in the General Conference held by the LDS Church (Mormons), one of the leaders said this...

He's a pretty smart guy, because he also said this on another occasion. 

It is so true. I have been trying everything I can think of to get my groove back: prayer, meditation, exercise, doing things I enjoy, etc, etc.. It doesn't feel like it is working.  But this reminded me that it is working and I must remain patient.  

And yesterday, I was watching a video interview from The Mom Conference (which has been awesome).  The guest speaker, Dr. Laura Markham (www.ahaparenting.com), was discussing the importance of self-care and utilizing mantras. She encourages moms (and dads) to do three things. 1. Practice (Exercise, prayer, meditation, etc); 2. Self-love (more on this below); and 3. Create a Joy-List (A list that has several items that bring you joy and can be done in 5 minutes or less when you're feeling particularly crummy.)

Let's go back to self-love. If you're a "recovering perfectionist" like me, she says we can really struggle when things don't go the way we planned or envisioned.  This really hit me because I felt like she was talking about me! I have learned to fly by the seat of my pants and go with the flow after having so many children and working as a professional social worker.  But, post-baby, everything I'd learned in the last 10 years had flown out the proverbial window.  Lately, if anything unexpected comes up, I become a complete wreck. Dr. Markham  recommends acknowledging yourself at the end of each day by identifying all the positive things you did that day. She also said to repeat this mantra, "I am more than enough." 

I am so grateful that in two weeks time, I have been sent these messages of self-love. I have been really mean to myself and it has made me unhappy and hard to be around (my poor family).  Today I have been walking with my head a little higher and my heart a little lighter.

I want to let my five readers know that you, too, are "more than enough"!

Growth

Professionally, I am a social worker.  Personally, I am goal-oriented. Combined, I KNOW that change is a part of life and I usually welcome it. The same can be said for my take on growth experiences. That is unless I am post-baby hormonal! Then, change is hard and growth is unwelcome!

Jared and I are in a season of our lives that has included blessings beyond belief.  Five healthy children! A brand new home! A great job! The opportunity to stay home full-time with the children! The list really goes on and on.  However, despite all those blessings, Jared and I have been struggling. Our marriage isn't struggling thank goodness; instead we are struggling in individual ways. I keep struggling with feelings of inadequacy and we both feel completely overwhelmed with life.  I came across this quote and it really struck a chord with me. 

It has helped my perspective shift and reminded me that change is good and growth is great! These individual struggles may even be part of our journey so that we can strengthen our marriage and family life.

Blergh!

I'm a pretty optimistic person by nature. I feel that for the most part I have "it" together. Whatever "it" is. Except for lately, I feel like I've completely lost "it" in more ways than one.
I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Everyone, except myself! The last year of my life has been filled with amazing blessings, but even the blessings have been lined with trials. Mostly, I just haven't felt good enough or thin enough or creative enough or crafty enough or fun enough or organic enough. I know, I know! I've been so harsh on myself.
It's really started to wear on me. For the most part, I'm still myself but I've had some lame days that I'd rather just erase. I am tired of punishing myself for doing nothing wrong. I have decided to let it go and be happy with who I am and with what I've got. After all, there is plenty to be happy about.

Stop Yelling Challenge

I am posting about this because I need accountability to achieve my goals. I'm officially holding myself accountable to my three loyal readers and cyberspace. I have taken on the Stop Yelling Challenge.
Overall, I think I'm a pretty good mom. I do fun things with my children, they are well cared for and I love them so much it hurts. However, I also find that my frustration often leads to anger and anger leads to yelling. I don't yell a lot, but I do yell more than I'm comfortable with. I'd like to be at zero on the scale. No yelling. It sounds almost impossible, but Amanda over at Dirtandboogers.com has inspired me to make my goal a reality and stop yelling at my children. Anyone want to join me?

Faith

I've been participating in a challenge to read the Book of Mormon cover to cover by October set forth by my local church leaders. This isn't the first time I've read the book cover to cover and it won't be the last. I make a sincere effort to do so once a year. Each time I read the Book of Mormon something extraordinary happens. I find something new. Maybe it's just that something new resonates with me. This time around, it was the subject of faith. One of the Book of Mormon prophets, Alma, teaches the people in Alma 32 about faith and how to grow one's faith. It is a great chapter and coupled with Hebrews 11, really helps one to understand  the concept of faith.

Faith is not just the religion someone practices.

Faith is not just a character on Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

(Sorry, I just had to.)

Faith is an all-encompassing way of living one's life. Faithful is a word I want used to describe me. I strive daily to live by and increase my faith. I am a prayerful person and I don't just believe my prayers are answered, I know my prayers are answered. Quite often answers to prayers require a leap of faith.

Boyd K. Packer had this to say about faith. "Faith, to be faith, must center around something that is not known. Faith, to be faith, must go beyond that for which there is confirming evidence. Faith, to be faith, must go into the unknown. Faith, to be faith, must walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness. If everything has to be known, if everything has to be explained, if everything has to be certified, then there is no need for faith. Indeed there is no room for it.
"The prophet Alma said: 'Yea, there are many who do say: If thou wilt show unto us a sign from heaven, then we shall know of a surety; then we shall believe. Now I ask, is that faith? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for if a man knoweth a thing he hath no cause to believe, for he knoweth it... And now as I said concerning faith--faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.' (Alma 32:17-18, 21).
"There are two kinds of faith. One of them functions ordinarily in the life of every soul. It is the kind of faith born by experience; it gives us certainty that a new day will dawn, that spring will come, that growth will take place. It is the kind of faith that relates us with confidence to that which is scheduled to happen...
"There is another kind of faith, rare indeed. This is the kind of faith that causes things to happen. It is the kind of faith that is worthy and prepared and unyielding, and it calls forth things that otherwise would not be. It is the kind of faith that moves people. It is the kind of faith that sometimes moves things. Few possess it. It comes by gradual growth. It is a marvelous, even a transcendent, power, a power as real and as invisible as electricity. Direct and channeled, it has great effect.
"But faith must be faith. One man tried 'experimenting' with faith. He had spoken to his certainty that an event would transpire, and his desires were not brought to pass; the event he so much yearned for did not happen. Afterward, his bitter comment was, 'Well, you see, it didn't happen. I didn't think it would.'
"In a world filled with skepticism and doubt, the expression 'seeing is believing' promotes the attitude, 'You show me, and I will believe.' We want all of the proof and all of the evidence first. It seems hard to take things on faith.
"When will we learn that in spiritual things it works the other way about--that believing is seeing? Spiritual belief precedes spiritual knowledge When we believe in things that are not seen but are nevertheless true, then we have faith" (Boyd K. Packer, "What is Faith?" in Faith, pp. 42-43).

"Believing is seeing." I love that! Here's to being less skeptical and more faithful. If you're waiting for a sign to do something, maybe the Lord is actually waiting on you to take a leap of faith.

Gratitude

In my reading this evening, I came across this quote from Dieter F. Uchtdorf (a leader in the LDS Church). It was so good, I thought I'd share.

 

"We can choose to be grateful, no matter what. This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer. When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation... In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven's embrace... How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before  thanking God that there is rain? Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges. This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul." ("Grateful in Any Circumstances," Ensign, May 2014, 75-76)

Service Required

Today's guest post was written by my dear friend and former colleague, Jim R. Jacobs. Jim recently wrote his first book, Driving Lessons for Life. The following driving lesson is not in the book, but gives you a sampling of what a gem this book will be. Pun intended!
A couple of years ago, I did a blog post on the ten most influential people in my life. Jim made that list. Here's what I wrote then,  "Jim was my first boss out of graduate school.  He was my supervisor as I pursued my licensure in clinical social work. He became a dear friend.  I see Jim as the older brother I never had.  I know his life isn't perfect, but it is lived with a faith I want to have."  
Jim taught me many driving lessons as we met weekly for my clinical supervision requirements. I learned so much from him and I am excited to get my own autographed copy of his book to cherish. It'll feel like I'm sitting across from him on the couch in his office (eating tuna fish for lunch) and learning from a great man how to become a great therapist, person, and friend. Enjoy!

Service Required

by Jim R. Jacobs

I cannot speak for everyone else, but I am not particularly pleased when one of those indicator lights starts to light up the dashboard of my car.  Normally, these lights communicate there is something wrong with the vehicle, which means I am going to be reaching into my wallet soon.  I don’t find the lights have ever brought me a feeling of satisfaction, peace, or harmony in my life.  Usually, I start to feel stressed.  Then, I wonder whether the light is mistakenly on.  I ignore it for some time, hoping it will just go off.  When it occasionally does, I feel satisfaction somehow in not having to do anything.  More often, it continues to flash at me, sending out waves of anxiety about what is wrong with my car.  While the lights are helpful to maintain my car and keep me moving, I do not like the feeling I get when they start to blink.  However, there is one light on the dashboard which sends a very helpful life message: “Service Required.”

If I could install an indicator light on the dashboard of my life, I would choose the “Service Required” light.  This message is powerful and key to living the most productive and happy life.  Service is truly essential.  When we reach out in loving kindness to others, not only does the world become better, but we grow too!  Service adds substance to each of our daily interactions.  Hearts are lifted, souls are strengthened, and hope is instilled.  When we, in generous service, reach out to someone around us, we feel a sense of confidence, assurance, and connection.  Nothing is more powerful than charitable service to another in need. 

Some of my greatest memories have been wrapped up in the opportunity to serve someone else.  As I look back on the roads of life I have traveled, I smile at the thought of opportunities to help one in need.  Let’s face it!  The road of life is sometimes hard to travel.  Would we all not be better, if we took more time to stop and help someone stranded on the side?  I will never forget heading to a church meeting dressed in my finest clothes and having this opportunity.  A woman was stuck on the side of the road with an obviously very flat tire.  She resisted my help, but in my suit and tie, I changed the tire for her.  She was grateful and was teary-eyed as she looked at my greasy hands and my soiled suit.  I wished her well and never saw her again.  Yet, I have not stopped thinking about that experience.  I was too late for the worship service, but went anyway.  I felt incredible as I walked into the building with my soiled hands and clothes.  I remember feeling just as grand washing my hands as I had felt in any religious service I had previously attended.  Service had made the difference.  It always makes a difference!

We need each other.  There are too many people in this world who tear down.  We need more who lift up.  There are enough people who find fault.  We need more people who build and strengthen.  Every day, you can find an abundance of people who act in selfish ways.  We need more people who give self-less service.  For within service is the very substance of life.  Greater joy, greater love, greater harmony, greater satisfaction, and greater peace all can be found by the service we do for others. 

Start today!  Install a “Service Required” light on your dashboard.  Attend to it right away.  Start with your family and those right around you.  Then, extend the marvelous influence of self-less service to those in your neighborhood and community.  Seek to make a difference.  For in a full and rich life, service truly is required.

 

Jim R. Jacobs is the author of the new book Driving Lessons For Life, a great new book teaching powerful life lessons from what we experience on the road.  Driving Lessons For Life is not your typical self-help/inspirational book.  Jim takes the common experiences we all have behind the wheel of the car, and weaves a powerful lesson into them.  There has never been such a book as this.  You read the lesson, you recall the story, and then you do what you always do—drive somewhere.  Literally, every time you head off in your car, a key life lesson will be reinforced in you.  Driving Lessons become Life Lessons as you reflect on them again and again.  These lessons are powerful because they are so connected to your everyday life.  Sign up for driving lessons today!  This book is a perfect gift for yourself, your friends, the new driver, the old driver, and everyone who gets in the car.  Get a signed copy today at www.DrivingLessonsForLife.com.

To contact Jim to share your experiences, to arrange a great speaker for your next event, or for a complimentary, no obligation coaching session, please send an e-mail to DrivingLessonsForLife@gmail.com. 

 

The Plug-in Drug

The following post is not meant to make anyone feel badly about their own TV viewing habits. It is has been a personal struggle of mine and I'm recording it for posterity's sake. Some of you expressed interest in my thoughts, so here they are.  The book had a lot of great stuff I won't include here. If your interest is piqued, check it out your local library.

 

I recently read this book.

http://www.mariewinn.com/plugin.htm

 

I tend to obsess over how much TV my children are watching. After reading this book, I honestly wished I could turn back time and never let them sit down to view PBS. Not because I hate TV, in fact I LOVE TV. Mostly because I strongly dislike the little monsters my children become because of TV. Seriously, after too much viewing, these boys of mine become evil versions of themselves. It was becoming this constant battle of dealing with little monsters or getting a break for myself.

 

I'll admit, just like 90% of the children I worked with as a therapist, you could totally blame this problem on me: the parent. I was inconsistent, unclear about boundaries, ambivalent, and wishy-washy about the subject. I lacked conviction big time. On the plus side, I have been doing a lot of positive things: we only have one TV. There are no TVs in bedrooms. We don't have cable television.

 

I really decided to get motivated to do something about what I consider to be a problem for my family after reading the Anne of Green Gables series last year. I fell in love with the characters in this series and longed for a simpler time when my children could have similar experiences as these characters. Now, I know I can't take them back 150 years, nor do I really want to. I don't want them to lack the ability to navigate the high-technology world in which we live; however, I was so tired of non-imaginative, grumpy children. The Plug-in Drug talks a lot about the correlation between less TV and less aggression and vice versa. It also spends a lot of time trying to convince you that TV isn't in itself a bad entity, but that it keeps children from having real-life experiences that facilitate cognitive, emotional, social development. Since these were my biggest concerns and I had seen this in my own home, I really got on board with what Winn was saying. She also points out that TV generations are also closely linked to declines in educational achievement.

 

Winn points out that many parents in recent generations use television as a "child-rearing tool." I hated to admit it, but this was true about me. I've used it for rewards, punishments, to get a break from the noise three active boys can make, etc. I've been afraid to say No and I've really lacked conviction because of my own love of TV. I am definitely guilty of setting them in front of the set so I can catch up on my own programs online.

 

She talks about how TV fills a vacuum for lonely, isolated parents. I have felt that way! Especially when I've been pregnant or had a newborn baby. TV has totally filled that vacuum and I become this guilt-stricken woman who annoys my friends and especially my sister with my first-world problem of how much television my children are watching.

For me, Winn's book was the mirror I needed to look in with an honest heart. It also gave me concrete ideas and strategies to gain control over this problem. I felt empowered! "[I'm] the adult, I can choose!" For those who may be struggling with this as well, here are some more of her suggestions.

 

1. Gain conviction--"The kids will know [I] mean it, if [I] know [I] mean it." So often for me no hasn't really meant no. It just meant no until I got so annoyed I gave in to the pleas for television time or needed some time to myself.

 

2. Establish firm rules--Jared and I discussed this and decided since we aren't ready to give up having a TV, we needed firm rules that we both agreed on. We decided that during the school year we wouldn't allow TV on school days. On non-school days there wouldn't be any rules really. During the summer, we decided to limit TV viewing to 1.5 hours. That way each child can choose a 30 minute program to watch. Winn suggests that TV viewing on non-school days will not be a problem because the children have simply found more interesting things to fill their time. Other rules she suggests, that we had already adopted are no TV at dinnertime or bedtime. (We do have TV dinners on Thursdays when Jared is at the church, but that is it.) One hour a day time limit if you aren't ready for no TV during weekdays. No solitary TV watching. She also suggest we set boundaries on how many programs become regular programs.

I decided to have an organic conversation about television in the car with the children and told them my concerns about too much television watching. I told them things were going to change and that I felt really strongly about this. I said it probably wouldn't be easy, but we could do it together. We're only a week in, but the complaints have become very few and everyone knows when TV goes on and when it goes off. They are filling their time with play and it is wonderful!

 

3.  Natural controls--Place the set itself in an "out of sight, out of mind" location, like a basement or a less frequently used room. Don't get a super fancy set that is enticing to watch. Get rid of cable so you have fewer choices. Don't put sets in children's bedrooms. Develop a rich social life.

 

To be successful she also points out how one needs to be realistic. Making changes is easier if you organize a TV Turnoff or start after a break in your regular schedule, like a vacation. Winn says it is important to "sell it to the kids" and not to "expect miracles." She also tells you to expect withdrawals. She lists the following negatives to limiting TV, missed shows, social pressure, and a decrease in effective punishments for parents to use with children.  Those are really the only negatives she lists.

Here is her list of positive changes in a less/no TV home,  more peace, increased closeness, children are more helpful, sibling relationships improve, adults and children have more interactions, increased reading, increased outdoor play , improved relationships between parents and children, and increased time for crafts and hobbies. I like that list! I want that for my children and for my family.

 

So far we're doing good with our new rules. If it is going to continue to be a success, I have to remember my own priorities for my children and remember that my break won't really come until they are grown up. In the meantime, I will enjoy a regular scheduled bed time so I can get a little respite each day.

 

P.S. Special note to Misty Liu who inspired me to actually do something about all of this simply by being herself. She's over at J&M Ranch. We gave up video games a few months ago thanks to her blogging thoughts.

P.P.S. Just to clarify, TV really should include all screens (computers, tablets, video gaming, phones, etc). My boys are all under the age of six, so those aren't a huge issue. The 1.5 hours they get each summer day includes both TV and computer time.

Wise Counsel

17 years ago as a 16 year old girl, I received my patriarchal blessing. In the LDS Church patriarchal blessings are given to individuals to serve as a guide throughout their lives. You can find more detailed information on patriarchal blessings HERE.
My patriarchal blessing counseled me to read the message from the First Presidency each month in the Church magazine, The Ensign, throughout my life. This is a simple thing I can do and I have done my best to hold true to this counsel.
Lately, I've been feeling discouraged, frustrated, inadequate in a few areas of my life. I can't even really put my finger on it. Just a general feeling of unease and uncertainty. Today, I remembered the counsel given me 17 years ago in my patriarchal blessing and read the message from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf in this month's Ensign. It was a boon to my soul. It restored my confidence. I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me and is aware of my needs and loves me and wants to see me find peace, comfort, and joy. If you'd like to read the article, HERE is a link.

Amy Poehler

Okay, I know you'd probably rather hear about life with four (and I promise to get to that), but I found this channel on Youtube today that I just had to share. 
I have a little crush on Amy Poehler.  I think she is hilarious and beautiful and I love her.  If you don't watch Parks and Rec you really should be.  She is in it and Nick Offerman is also another crush of mine.  I think it's the mustache.  Anywhoo, the link to this gem I found is http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0F5894A2EBEA8BA0
Check it out if you have free time. 

9 of 30 Things

10 People Who Have Influenced Me (In no particular order)

1. My parents.  I'm counting them as one person here and I hope they don't mind.  My parents were the first great influence on my life.  They taught me so many things and continue to teach me things even into adulthood.  Here are two that stand out. It's okay to make mistakes.  It is important to always do MY best and not that important to be THE best.  Because I learned these things, I have been more willing to take risks, more able to accept disappointment and move on from it a stronger person, and I feel a confidence that apparently is more unique than I thought it was.

2. Janelle Butler Simmons.  I sometimes tell people she saved my life.  I truly believe this.  Janelle was my visiting teacher, for those that know LDS lingo, shortly after my divorce.  That was a super tough time for me and she was the friend I needed to help keep me going many times over.

3. Scott Pederson. Scott was the first person to teach me how to laugh at myself.  I have always been way too serious and it was way worse as a teenager.  Scott made life fun and gave me the courage I needed to start laughing.

4. Stacey Hesson Gillespie.  My SISTER!  I love this girl.  She really is my best friend and I get to be her sister.  It's awesome.  I am always amazed by how much love she has for me.  She makes me feel like I could do anything.  I love her for that and so many other reasons.  Sometimes I think Stacey should have been the older sister.  She is so loyal and will kick someone's butt if they cross a person she loves.  I am pretty sure I learned all about loyalty from my little sister.

5. Kendall Williams and Christopher Prince.  Again, two people counting as one.  These were the missionaries from the LDS Church that taught me all about the LDS Church.  Their testimonies and strength were influential in my ultimate decision to join the LDS Church: One of the best decisions of my life.

6. JoAnn Moghimi. This woman is one of my newer friends! We became fast friends a few years ago when we were introduced through mutual friends. JoAnn is loyalty to the max. She has my back, but gives me a swift kick in the pants as needed. We laugh together and cry together and just get each other. She has never judged me and always seems to know when I need her. I love you, JoAnn!

7. Darren and Emily Ernst. I know I'm cheating, but they go together!  Darren and Emily showed me what a marriage could really be like.  They were the first people that reached out to me as my marriage fell apart.  Though we haven't lived close since that time, I have kept in touch with them.  Because of their example, their love for one another, and their faith in me I had hope that there was something better out there for me.  Guess what?! There was and it is wonderful.

8. Jim Jacobs. Jim was my first boss out of graduate school.  He was my supervisor as I pursued my licensure in clinical social work. He became a dear friend.  I see Jim as the older brother I never had.  I know his life isn't perfect, but it is lived with a faith I want to have.

9.  Brooke Anderson.  Brooke was one of my BYU roommates.  I love her and I love that although we live about as far apart from one another as we can get (me in FL and her in WA), we still are part of one another's lives.  Brooke is so creative and so thoughtful.  She inspires me to be the best mom and wife I can be as she selflessly does those things herself.  She is a true friend and I cherish her so much.

10. Jared Krause. My hubbabaloo.  I love this guy. He has influenced my life for good in so many ways.  He taught me to love again and he taught me it was safe to be loved.  He had to be pretty patient and for that I am so grateful.  We have a good life together.  It is crazy and busy and chaotic, but it is our little life.  It is so full and I am proud to be Mrs. Krause.

6 of 30 Things

The hardest thing I have ever experienced

This is about to get personal, people.  Prepare yourselves.  I do not talk about this much.  I am not ashamed.  I am not sad.  I am not angry.  It is just a part of my life that is over and I do not dwell on it that often.  Occasionally, certain dates bring it to the forefront of my mind or certain smells or songs, etc.

The hardest thing I have ever experienced was the deterioration of and ultimate ending to my first marriage.  As a young, fresh faced 19 year old I found fairy tale love as a sophomore at Brigham Young University.  He was so amazing.  I loved everything about Joshua: his smile, his green eyes, his laugh, his taste in music, film, etc, his spirituality.  I was so in love and so happy.  We dated for a pretty short time and were married the spring break of my sophomore year.  Within six months, things started to change.  We were both young and inexperienced with relationships.  It became glaringly obvious that we wanted very different things out of life.  Both of us tried for a long time to overlook these differences and find joy.  We had many happy times in our marriage, but as the years went by those happy times became fewer and fewer.  Joshua was fresh off his mission and I think he just wasn't ready for what it meant to be a husband.  I really can't speak for him and I haven't spoken to him since a year after our divorce, which was nearly 10 years ago, so I know it's not fair.  Regardless to say, it didn't work out.  There are some pretty personal reasons why I feel it didn't work out, but it is not my place to hang someone else's skeletons out for the Internet, so we'll skip that part. 

After three years, the marriage ended in divorce.  I moved home to my old room and became terribly depressed.  I couldn't sleep at night.  I couldn't get out of bed in the morning.  For weeks, the only place I went was church on Sunday.  I usually didn't get dressed, well, I did get dressed for church. My family is the reason I started getting out of bed and getting dressed.  My thoughts raced and raced and took me to pretty dark places. My testimony never wavered, but I felt like such a failure.  I had wanted to be married and have children and lost it all.  I also felt discarded.  I felt like Joshua didn't even fight for us. I was a shell of who I wanted to be and had no clue how to start over.

Thanks to Tony's soccer games, Stacey's school schedule and VHS recorded Buffy, Aunt Dot's willingness to help me get a job, my parent's kindness, generosity, and love, and Nana's daily lunches, I dug myself out of the depression I was in.  Life moved on and my fairy tale was found in such an unexpected way.  This is why Jared and our children are my second chance in life.  This is why I never take the love and respect we share for granted.  There is such truth to "opposition in all things."  I don't think I would be as happy as I am now or as grateful had it not been for this experience.  It was part of my plan and I only  regret one thing.  I was part of Joshua's family and my depression and pride kept me from reaching out to his family and I just let them go without saying goodbye.  They loved me and I loved them and I just fell out of their world.  This is the one thing I regret.  If I could go back, I'd call them, write them, express my love to them.  Maybe nine years later, it isn't too late.  I'm not really sure what to say at this point, except that I am truly sorry I failed to remember them in all that was happening.