8 of 30 Things

Five Passions I Have

I had to go to good ole dictionary.com to define passion.  I wanted to get this post right.  Here's the five definitions they gave for passion,

1. powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.

2. strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.

3. strong sexual desire; lust.

4. an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.

5. a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.

I will be using definition number one to complete this post. You will probably see that this was a bit difficult for me.  Maybe when Mommy Life is not so all-consuming I will have more passions. 

Passion #1: Helping people.  I LOVE helping people.  I believe people can change and I believe that even when they don't seem to believe it themselves.  My job is a perfect conduit for this passion.  I definitely get discouraged when I seem to be the only one with hope, but all in all it is very rewarding. 

Passion #2:  My family.  I LOVE my family! If you read my blog regularly, this is no big secret.  I often tear up just thinking about how great it is to be a part of the family I was born in and the family Jared and I are creating.

Passion #3: Sardines! I HATE sardines.  Need I say more.

Passion #4: Potty Training.  I HATE potty training.  Though completely necessary and part of my job description as mommy.  I really hate potty training.  It is stressful, messy, and gross.  I have tried several different methods and none seem to be "easy." The blessing is that eventually it happens with persistence and consistency.

Passion #5: Dance.  I LOVE dance.  I used to dance a lot and I was probably average in my abilities.  I'm not a good judge of those sorts of things.  Now we dance to kids songs and Pat Benatar in the living room.  I also fulfill this passion by watching dance shows on TV.  So You Think You Can Dance is a must not miss at my house.

7 of 30 Things

My Dream Job

This is not a cop out!  My dream job is the one I have, Wife and Mommy.  Seriously.  Even as a teenager this is what I wanted to do with my life.  As a senior in high school, I graduated fourth in my class.  Our principal called me and the others in the top five in for a little congratulatory meeting shortly before graduation.  She asked each of us two things: Where we were going to college?  And, what we wanted to do with our lives? The way we were situated in the room, I went last. The whole time I was trying to figure out how to answer the second question.  I had listened to my peers list, doctor, psychologist, and other prestigious careers.  I honestly didn't want those things and I honestly had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth when it was my turn.  When I finally had to answer, I opened my mouth and said, "A mom." I got some pretty funny looks from everyone and one the way back to class there was definitely some jeering from my peers. 

Now that I am a wife and mommy, I couldn't be more pleased with how I spend my days at "work." It is hard and tiring and I do cherish the occasional break, but all in all I wouldn't trade my life for anything.  Being Mrs. Krause is my favorite and I love being Ethan, Grayson, and Landon's mommy.  

6 of 30 Things

The hardest thing I have ever experienced

This is about to get personal, people.  Prepare yourselves.  I do not talk about this much.  I am not ashamed.  I am not sad.  I am not angry.  It is just a part of my life that is over and I do not dwell on it that often.  Occasionally, certain dates bring it to the forefront of my mind or certain smells or songs, etc.

The hardest thing I have ever experienced was the deterioration of and ultimate ending to my first marriage.  As a young, fresh faced 19 year old I found fairy tale love as a sophomore at Brigham Young University.  He was so amazing.  I loved everything about Joshua: his smile, his green eyes, his laugh, his taste in music, film, etc, his spirituality.  I was so in love and so happy.  We dated for a pretty short time and were married the spring break of my sophomore year.  Within six months, things started to change.  We were both young and inexperienced with relationships.  It became glaringly obvious that we wanted very different things out of life.  Both of us tried for a long time to overlook these differences and find joy.  We had many happy times in our marriage, but as the years went by those happy times became fewer and fewer.  Joshua was fresh off his mission and I think he just wasn't ready for what it meant to be a husband.  I really can't speak for him and I haven't spoken to him since a year after our divorce, which was nearly 10 years ago, so I know it's not fair.  Regardless to say, it didn't work out.  There are some pretty personal reasons why I feel it didn't work out, but it is not my place to hang someone else's skeletons out for the Internet, so we'll skip that part. 

After three years, the marriage ended in divorce.  I moved home to my old room and became terribly depressed.  I couldn't sleep at night.  I couldn't get out of bed in the morning.  For weeks, the only place I went was church on Sunday.  I usually didn't get dressed, well, I did get dressed for church. My family is the reason I started getting out of bed and getting dressed.  My thoughts raced and raced and took me to pretty dark places. My testimony never wavered, but I felt like such a failure.  I had wanted to be married and have children and lost it all.  I also felt discarded.  I felt like Joshua didn't even fight for us. I was a shell of who I wanted to be and had no clue how to start over.

Thanks to Tony's soccer games, Stacey's school schedule and VHS recorded Buffy, Aunt Dot's willingness to help me get a job, my parent's kindness, generosity, and love, and Nana's daily lunches, I dug myself out of the depression I was in.  Life moved on and my fairy tale was found in such an unexpected way.  This is why Jared and our children are my second chance in life.  This is why I never take the love and respect we share for granted.  There is such truth to "opposition in all things."  I don't think I would be as happy as I am now or as grateful had it not been for this experience.  It was part of my plan and I only  regret one thing.  I was part of Joshua's family and my depression and pride kept me from reaching out to his family and I just let them go without saying goodbye.  They loved me and I loved them and I just fell out of their world.  This is the one thing I regret.  If I could go back, I'd call them, write them, express my love to them.  Maybe nine years later, it isn't too late.  I'm not really sure what to say at this point, except that I am truly sorry I failed to remember them in all that was happening. 

5 of 30 Things

The 5 things that make me most happy right now

1. My husband! Seriously, this guy is pretty great.  I've blogged about him before and you can see some of the reasons he makes me so happy here.

2. Ethan! This kid is growing up so fast.  He is really into video games (Heaven help me), being a big brother, and helping his Mommy.  He sometimes isn't as into the second two things as much as I'd like him to be.  He will 5 this fall and is discovering how cool it is to be the biggest kid in our family.  He will go to VPK in the Fall and will also be playing soccer on a real team with uniforms!  Very exciting.

3. Grayson! It is hard not to be happy with Grayson around.  He is my most mischevious, but he is also my sweetest.  He always is smooching me and hugging me and telling me "I love you, too!" in his sweet little voice.  My favorite right now is when he asks for a big hug and wraps his little arms around me as tight as he can.  Grayson is very disappointed that he won't be playing soccer too.  As he says, "I'll sit in Mommy's lap and watch Ethan play soccer." 

4.  Landon! The best thing about Landon right now is that he is truly discovering new things daily.  One day he can't climb up on the chair and the next day he can.  I love when he smiles at me and his little dimple is in full force.  He is learning new words almost daily, and has added jello and glasses to his vocabulary this week.  He runs with his whole body in effort to keep up with his brothers and when he can't keep up he comes and hangs out with me.

5. My membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  I know this may be weird to some, but living the gospel of Jesus Christ is a true source of my happiness.  Life isn't always easy and I have bad days, but knowing that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me and that Jesus Christ loves me too is pretty great.  This knowledge brings me joy, hope, and faith that even the toughest mountains can be climbed.  

4th of July 2012

The 4th of July is one of Jared's favorite holidays.  He recently received an American flag from his parents for a Father's Day gift.  Excited does not begin to describe how he felt about this gift. He hung the flag each morning beginning on Sunday, July 1. And, on the 4th he came in proudly saying he had gotten it up first on our little section of the street. 
We spent the morning at our church where a flag ceremony and breakfast were held.  It was awesome.  The food was great, the company was great, and being an American is great, too.  In the afternoon, we headed over to Krause Haus and enjoyed some festivities, family, and friends. It was pretty much a super day. 

Grandma and Papa K set up the pool for the boys.  The tent was a great addition and the boys stayed in much longer because of it. 

Landon was slow to warm up to the pool. (He always is.) He did stop by to see his friend Muffin the Bunny.

Landon actually never got in the pool.  Regardless, he did get pretty wet.

Family Photo!

Eagle Scout Jared starting a fire in the fire pit.  We roasted SMORES.  Yummy.

Brad and Jared our FireWorks Marshalls.

Fireworks!

The boys watched from inside.  Grayson kept instructing us to "Clap!"

Brad, our new favorite friend.

Helena, Dawn, Rae Rae, and the missionaries were there for the fun.  Tried to get a photo of the missionaries not taking pictures, but they wouldn't cooperate.
 P.S. This is my 300th post!  That is pretty cool.

4 of 30 Things

List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self.

On my 16th birthday!  Look at my sweet car.  This was such a great birthday.  My mom arranged for me to spend the weekend with some of my best girls in Orlando.  We danced at Pleasure Island, stayed in a sweet condo, and ate at Steak and Shake.  When we got back, we went to get my license.  It was really awesome!

1. Don't be in such a hurry.  This will save you a lot of heartache and disappointment now and in the future. 

2. Spend more time with your girlfriends.  They are pretty amazing and you will never live in the same town with most of them again.

Me and some beautiful women in my life at my YW in Excellence celebration.

3. Don't stop dancing, even though it may mean you find a new dance studio.  It is one of your loves and you should never put anything ahead of that.

4.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.  You are 16, not 30. Enjoy yourself.

5.  Sometimes Heavenly Father's plan for you is better than anything you could come up with on your own.

6. Making the decision to join the LDS Church will be one of the best decisions you ever make.  Remember that when it gets hard and you are afraid you don't have what it takes.

Graduation!  Class of 98 Rules!

7.  Take that AP Calc class Senior Year.  I know you wanted to take it a little easy, but it would have been way cooler being Salutatorian than 4th.  Prideful maybe, but cooler.

8.  Don't worry so much about what the boys in your life think of you.  You are amazing and there is someone out there who will love you for who you are, quirks and all.

9.  Senior year, go to prom with Kenton.  What you do to your lifelong friend will be the worst.  It will be your only regret from high school and it would have been a blast. 

10.  Go easier on your parents.  They love you unconditionally and they're people too.  They have feelings, hopes, and dreams.  Don't be so sassy, they don't deserve it.

My awesome parents at the senior banquet. I love them.