The following post is not meant to make anyone feel badly about their own TV viewing habits. It is has been a personal struggle of mine and I'm recording it for posterity's sake. Some of you expressed interest in my thoughts, so here they are. The book had a lot of great stuff I won't include here. If your interest is piqued, check it out your local library.
I recently read this book.
I tend to obsess over how much TV my children are watching. After reading this book, I honestly wished I could turn back time and never let them sit down to view PBS. Not because I hate TV, in fact I LOVE TV. Mostly because I strongly dislike the little monsters my children become because of TV. Seriously, after too much viewing, these boys of mine become evil versions of themselves. It was becoming this constant battle of dealing with little monsters or getting a break for myself.
I'll admit, just like 90% of the children I worked with as a therapist, you could totally blame this problem on me: the parent. I was inconsistent, unclear about boundaries, ambivalent, and wishy-washy about the subject. I lacked conviction big time. On the plus side, I have been doing a lot of positive things: we only have one TV. There are no TVs in bedrooms. We don't have cable television.
I really decided to get motivated to do something about what I consider to be a problem for my family after reading the Anne of Green Gables series last year. I fell in love with the characters in this series and longed for a simpler time when my children could have similar experiences as these characters. Now, I know I can't take them back 150 years, nor do I really want to. I don't want them to lack the ability to navigate the high-technology world in which we live; however, I was so tired of non-imaginative, grumpy children. The Plug-in Drug talks a lot about the correlation between less TV and less aggression and vice versa. It also spends a lot of time trying to convince you that TV isn't in itself a bad entity, but that it keeps children from having real-life experiences that facilitate cognitive, emotional, social development. Since these were my biggest concerns and I had seen this in my own home, I really got on board with what Winn was saying. She also points out that TV generations are also closely linked to declines in educational achievement.
Winn points out that many parents in recent generations use television as a "child-rearing tool." I hated to admit it, but this was true about me. I've used it for rewards, punishments, to get a break from the noise three active boys can make, etc. I've been afraid to say No and I've really lacked conviction because of my own love of TV. I am definitely guilty of setting them in front of the set so I can catch up on my own programs online.
She talks about how TV fills a vacuum for lonely, isolated parents. I have felt that way! Especially when I've been pregnant or had a newborn baby. TV has totally filled that vacuum and I become this guilt-stricken woman who annoys my friends and especially my sister with my first-world problem of how much television my children are watching.
For me, Winn's book was the mirror I needed to look in with an honest heart. It also gave me concrete ideas and strategies to gain control over this problem. I felt empowered! "[I'm] the adult, I can choose!" For those who may be struggling with this as well, here are some more of her suggestions.
1. Gain conviction--"The kids will know [I] mean it, if [I] know [I] mean it." So often for me no hasn't really meant no. It just meant no until I got so annoyed I gave in to the pleas for television time or needed some time to myself.
2. Establish firm rules--Jared and I discussed this and decided since we aren't ready to give up having a TV, we needed firm rules that we both agreed on. We decided that during the school year we wouldn't allow TV on school days. On non-school days there wouldn't be any rules really. During the summer, we decided to limit TV viewing to 1.5 hours. That way each child can choose a 30 minute program to watch. Winn suggests that TV viewing on non-school days will not be a problem because the children have simply found more interesting things to fill their time. Other rules she suggests, that we had already adopted are no TV at dinnertime or bedtime. (We do have TV dinners on Thursdays when Jared is at the church, but that is it.) One hour a day time limit if you aren't ready for no TV during weekdays. No solitary TV watching. She also suggest we set boundaries on how many programs become regular programs.
I decided to have an organic conversation about television in the car with the children and told them my concerns about too much television watching. I told them things were going to change and that I felt really strongly about this. I said it probably wouldn't be easy, but we could do it together. We're only a week in, but the complaints have become very few and everyone knows when TV goes on and when it goes off. They are filling their time with play and it is wonderful!
3. Natural controls--Place the set itself in an "out of sight, out of mind" location, like a basement or a less frequently used room. Don't get a super fancy set that is enticing to watch. Get rid of cable so you have fewer choices. Don't put sets in children's bedrooms. Develop a rich social life.
To be successful she also points out how one needs to be realistic. Making changes is easier if you organize a TV Turnoff or start after a break in your regular schedule, like a vacation. Winn says it is important to "sell it to the kids" and not to "expect miracles." She also tells you to expect withdrawals. She lists the following negatives to limiting TV, missed shows, social pressure, and a decrease in effective punishments for parents to use with children. Those are really the only negatives she lists.
Here is her list of positive changes in a less/no TV home, more peace, increased closeness, children are more helpful, sibling relationships improve, adults and children have more interactions, increased reading, increased outdoor play , improved relationships between parents and children, and increased time for crafts and hobbies. I like that list! I want that for my children and for my family.
So far we're doing good with our new rules. If it is going to continue to be a success, I have to remember my own priorities for my children and remember that my break won't really come until they are grown up. In the meantime, I will enjoy a regular scheduled bed time so I can get a little respite each day.
P.S. Special note to Misty Liu who inspired me to actually do something about all of this simply by being herself. She's over at J&M Ranch. We gave up video games a few months ago thanks to her blogging thoughts.
P.P.S. Just to clarify, TV really should include all screens (computers, tablets, video gaming, phones, etc). My boys are all under the age of six, so those aren't a huge issue. The 1.5 hours they get each summer day includes both TV and computer time.
