I have been taking a long, hard look at my parenting the last few weeks. Maybe it's because I no longer am working in a professional setting and am determined to take my role as full-time stay-at-home mom as seriously as I did my role as therapist. I love my children and I love being a mom, but it can be exhausting and unrewarding at times. Despite that, I KNOW that mom is the best hat I'll ever wear even though it looks ragged, worn, and dirty.
I discovered the
POWER OF MOMS website through my friend, Emily, and learned a little about deliberate parenting. Then I read Clayton Christiansen's book
HOW WILL YOU MEASURE YOUR LIFE? and found the same thing flashing in neon lights: If you want your children to turn into kind, happy, hard-working, loving, testimony-having adults, you need to create experiences for them now that help them to do so.
Sure they'll probably turn out fine, but I want them to have as many advantages as possible. The world is hard. So hard. My children aren't even in real school yet, but I hear things from friends and family that scare the pants off of me. I want Jared and I to be positive influences in their lives, I don't want the learning of life lessons to come from people I don't know and don't trust.
Another website I found while reading my BYU alumni magazine belongs to Daryl Hoole, one of the greatest homemakers and educators in the field of homemaking.
THE ULTIMATE CAREER focuses on home management and family living.
Basically what I have determined after pondering deliberate parenting and counseling with friends that are dear to me is that all I need to do is be available and present at critical moments in my children's lives. I also need to determine what values and characteristics are most important to me (and Jared) in order to know what types of experiences/lessons my children need to have in order to attain said values and characteristics.
There are so many good values and characteristics, but through prayer I'm pretty confident that those that I have come up with will work for our family. It is important to me that my children are friends with one another. That they come to find their greatest joys and greatest supports are growing up right in their own home. In order for this to happen we need to provide experiences that help facilitate this. Family dinners, family vacations, showing support for individual family members at sporting events, concerts, etc.
I'd also like to see my children become kind and happy adults. I know life isn't easy and they are sure to experience trials, but I'd like to see them cope in a way that doesn't compromise their happiness. That they never lose hope even when life is bleak or scary or unfair. I would like them to be hard-working. Laziness and simply not engaging in meaningful life experiences is something I have a very low tolerance for.
Most of all I want my children to know that Jared and I love them unconditionally. A few years ago, Jared and I were talking about our children and what kind of adults they might become. He said something that really stuck with me. Jared said, "I have already decided that no matter what my children choose to do, I will love them." It must be said that no matter what I do to foster the qualities/values above, my children may choose not to adhere to those qualities/values. I will love them whatever they choose. I also want them to know that Heavenly Father loves them unconditionally and I hope that they develop a deep love for their Heavenly Father.
It seems I may be rambling; I am just trying to gather all the thoughts I've had over the last several weeks into one place. I come from a family of strong, amazing women that are excellent mothers. I want to be like them. The things I want my children to know, I learned from my mother, my Nana, and my aunts. These women are integral in helping me determine the kind of woman I want to be. I hope to honor them as I attempt to pass along similar qualities and values to my own children.
