When a therapist is sad

I have been so sad lately, pretty much this entire pregnancy. I'm not writing this post so y'all will feel sorry for me. I just need to put my thoughts into words because they are so jumbled and frustrating.
I look around me and all I can see are my blessings, but instead of feeling joy and optimism I feel sadness and pessimism. And on top of that, I feel guilty for having these feelings because I know people in my personal life that are struggling with legitimate hardships.
I have a wonderful husband, four beautiful, healthy children, a healthy pregnancy. We're building a house! People have been so generous and are helping me restock my baby supplies that I got rid of because I thought Miriam was our last baby. I was given clothing, strollers, bassinet, bunk beds, and a slew of other things that would have cost me hundreds, if not thousands of dollars. Jared has a great job. I'm part of a wonderful family. I have some pretty amazing friends.
Why is it, then, that instead of feeling amazing I feel totally bummed out? I am highly irritable, find it difficult to leave my house, am easily offended, and have been crying entirely too often. I'm doing all the "right" things, serving others, reading scriptures, praying, doing things I enjoy, but I just can't shake my funk. Poor Jared and the kids. I'm especially feeling inadequate in my roles as wife and mother.
I'm going to keep on trucking and eventually going through the motions will bring me the joy it once did. I'm hopeful that most of this, if not all, is simply a hormonal pregnancy thing.

Photo update

Not a week goes by that isn't busy around here.  Here are some highlights.

The children had no school on MLK day. So we went for a walk to the corner store, rented a movie and I let them buy candy with their piggy bank money. We came home, blew up the airbed and enjoyed our goodies. 

Saturday mornings without soccer, means cartoons and snuggles. I think these guys really love each other. These are my favorite moments.

Last week, Grayson rushed into my room in the morning to tell me he had lost his tooth! This seems incredibly early to me, but it made all his dreams come true. He told me when we discovered it was loose that, "it was like a present to him in his mouth." The tooth fairy came and left four quarters. He was so proud to lose his tooth. 

Miriam is starting to eat more than just applesauce, yogurt, and carbohydrate snacks. She loves grits! 

Savannah

Jared and I spent the long weekend after Christmas in Savannah, Georgia celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary. It's not really 10 years until April, but the baby is due the day before our anniversary and I was not foregoing my 10 year celebration! We had a blast relaxing, watching movies, walking around beautiful Savannah, and eating. There are some fantastic places to eat in Savannah. Here are some photo highlights of our trip.

Our first night in Savannah we went for a jaunt around town. They still had their Christmas lights up and it was so beautiful. I look terrible in my two photos because I was actually quite ill on this trip. My fever kept breaking and I kept up pretty good. Definitely got more rest here than I would have at home. This is the street where Leopold's Ice Cream is located. A must eat place in Savannah. The best Strawberry ice cream I've ever had.

This is the huge line we saw coming out of our breakfast at B. Matthews Eatery (another delicious establishment near River Street). We definitely got their just in time.

Beautiful park near River Street. Savannah has so many "squares" and parks. The trees are gorgeous and they were one of my favorite things about the city.

Window in a shop on River Street. We were in love with the beautiful architecture and details in Savannah. So pretty.

To get on River Street, one has to descend the bluff that Savannah sits on. There are precarious stone pathways and steep stairs available to do so. This pregnant lady was huffing and puffing by the time we got back to the hotel. 

Savannah has always been a huge port city. In early US history, they were the biggest import/export center for cotton. We saw several huge container ships going in and out on our stay. It was pretty cool.

Jared loved that he could find modern places in old buildings. For example, The Outback Steakhouse.

Jared cracks me up. He took photos like this every time we left the hotel room to ensure the housekeeping staff didn't touch his personal items.

Took a tour trolley around Savannah. It was a great way to explore the city. On several of our stops, visitors came and talked to us, including Forrest Gump! They filmed part of the movie in Savannah. The bench Forrest sits on to tell his story while waiting for the bus was placed in Chippewa Square (it's not still there, but in a museum). 

Chippewa Square

The trees were gorgeous. Big and old and beautiful!

Can you tell we loved the squares?

A very old bell. If I remember correctly, it is the oldest of it's kind in the US.

Savannah is also known for it's wrought iron fences. This one isn't particularly fancy, but we loved how quaint this little path was.

Telfair Museum. This was the home of some pretty wealthy people in Savannah. When the last living Telfair died, she left it as a museum. We went in and were able to see some beautiful American art. 

Sick selfie.

Again, modern establishment in an old building. In keeping with Savannah's aesthetic, it has a walk-up window instead of a drive-through window.

On our last day we waited in line for 2.5 hours to eat lunch at Mrs. Wilkes' Dining Room. We arrived 1/2 an hour before it opened (at 10:30) and found ourselves around the corner and down the block in line. We finally were seated at 1 PM. By that time we had become good friends with people in line and got to eat lunch with them. Seriously, I felt like I was at my Nana's house. Definitely worth the wait.

Mrs. Wilkes' Lunch Spread.

We also enjoyed a romantic evening at Alligator Soul Restaurant. It was the best place we ate. The food was fantastic and the atmosphere was perfect. We had a great time. Huge thank you to my parents and my sister and brother-in-law for keeping our children safe and sound while we were gone. 

Christmas Day

I don't have a lot of photos from Christmas Day. I was too busy being a mom and only got three shots.  We spent Christmas Eve with my family over at Stacey and Joe's house. Dad made a delicious lasagna and we ate and enjoyed one another's company. We also enjoyed some presents! My favorite gift ever was a tri-photo frame from my Mom. She filled it with three wedding photos that hang in her house. I love these photos because they are of my parents, my maternal grandparents, and my paternal grandparents. I think I'm pretty lucky to have so many generations that stayed married to one another and were completely devoted to their families. Can't wait to find the perfect place to hang my new gift. 

When we got home from our Hesson-Krause-Gillespie party, we put out cookies, reindeer food, and our Santa Key (since we don't have a chimney) and put the children to bed. Jared and I then went in the rain to our neighbor's house to get the gifts to put under the tree. We have great neighbors. Other than our bedroom closets, we only have one additional closet in our home, so I had nowhere to hide the Christmas gifts. Our sweet neighbor agreed to let me take over a corner of his guest room for nearly two months. I'm really going to miss our neighbors when we move this summer.

 

A photo after Santa came!

Christmas Day was pretty low key. We opened more gifts, had a big breakfast and had a water balloon fight.

The children enjoyed playing with their new gifts and then we headed over to Jared's parents for a third round of gift opening and a feast! This year was pretty special because all of Jared's siblings were able to gather here in Florida for Christmas. This is the first time in nearly 8 years that we have all been together. The children had a great time playing together and the adults enjoyed catching up as well.  Hopefully another 8 years doesn't pass before we get together again.

36 Books!

My goal was to read 50 books this year. I got to 36. I'm a little disappointed, but I also know my time is filled with other things that take priority sometimes. Sometimes, I'm just playing Candy Crush. Lame, I know. Anyways, here's the list of this year's books. Most were good and a few were spectacular. Spectacular titles are italicized.

Austenland by Shannon Hale
The Christmas Jars by Jason F. Wright
11/22/63 by Stephen King
The Bullfighter Checks her Makeup by Susan Orlean
The Maze Runner by James Dashner
The Scorch Trials by James Dashner
The Death Cure by James Dashner
Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor
Days of Blood and Starlight by Laini Taylor
Dreams of Gods and Monsters by Laini Taylor
Rooftoppers by Katherine Rundell
Chasing Fireflies by Charles Martin
An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
A Study in Scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The Red Tent by Anita Diamant
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Thirsty by M. T. Anderson
The Plug in Drug by Marie Winn
Behind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherine Boo
Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson
Paper Towns by John Green
Wonder by R. J. Palacio
The Count of Monte Crist by Alexandre Dumas
Ignite Me by Tahereh Mafi
Okay for Now by Gary D. Schmidt
The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
The Wednesday Wars by Gary D. Schmidt
Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
Ashen Winter by Mike Mullen
Rilla of Ingleside by L. M. Montgomery
Rainbow Valley by L. M. Montgomery
Forest Born by Shannon Hale
After Dead by Charlaine Harris
River Secrets by Shannon Hale
The Book of Mormon

My goal for 2015 will be 50 books. I think I can do it this year as I will have a nursing baby and I always read more when I've got a nursing baby. It's the best way to pass my middle of the night feedings.